Clean humor, jokes, sayings, quotes, and gifts.

Most of us hated math, which is why we like making fun of it. But a lot of mathematicians and numbers fans really enjoy mathematics, and they’ll get a kick out of these funny math jokes as well. So whether you loved or hated multiplication tables, algebra, or calculus, we’re pretty sure you’ll love these funny quotes, sayings, and jokes. It all adds up to laughter!

Why can’t they serve alcohol at a math party? Because you shouldn’t drink and derive.

Why didn’t the quarter roll down the steep hill with the nickel? Because it had more cents.

How many molecules in a bowl of guacamole? Avacado’s Number

What happened to the plant in math class? It grew square roots.

Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip? To get to the same side.

How do you make seven an even number? Take the ‘s’ out!

Why wasn’t the geometry teacher at school? Because she sprained her angle!

Why should the number 288 never be mentioned? It’s two gross.

Why couldn’t the mobius strip enroll at the school? They required an orientation.

Why is a math book always unhappy? Because it always has lots of problems.

Why don’t you do arithmetic in the jungle? Because if you add 4 + 4 you get ate!

Why would you divide sin by tan? Just cos.

Where do math teachers go on vacation? To Times Square.

What do you call friends who love math? Algebros.

What do you call a number that can’t keep still? A roamin’ numeral.

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9! (seven ate nine)

What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt!

Why did the mutually exclusive events break up? They had nothing in common.

How does a math professor propose to his fiance? With a polynomial ring!

What do you get if you cross a math teacher with a crab? Snappy answers.

What do you get if you add two apples and three apples? A middle school math problem!

What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher? The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work – the philosopher can do without the trash bin.

What is non-orientable and lives in the ocean? Mobius Dick.

What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four

How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children? “If I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+ times”

How do you know when you’ve reached your Math Professors voice-mail? The message is “The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please, rotate your phone by 90 degrees and try again.”

What is normed, complete, and yellow? A Bananach space.

What did Al Gore play on his guitar? An algorithm!

What did the mathematician’s parrot say? A poly “no meal”

What did one math book say to the other? Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!

What is the definition of a polar bear? A rectangular bear after a coordinate transformation

What is a mathematician’s favorite season? Sum-mer.

What did one algebra book say to the other? Don’t bother me, I’ve got my own problems.

How does a ghost solve quadratic equations? By completing the scare.

How does a mathematician plow fields? With a pro-tractor.

Why did the circle do a flip? To get in shape.

What do you get if you cross a math teacher and a clock? Arithma-ticks!

I saw my math teacher with a piece of graph paper yesterday. I think he must be plotting something.

I saw Pi fighting with the square root of two the other day. I told them to stop being so irrational.

How many monsters are good at math? None, unless you Count Dracula.

How do you keep warm in a square room? You go into the corner, where it is always 90 degrees.

What do mathematicians eat on Halloween? Pumpkin Pi.

A circle is just a round straight line with a hole in the middle.

Decimals always have a point.

Why did the boy eat his math homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

Have you heard the latest statistics joke? Probably.

What did the acorn say when it grew up? Geometry.

What do you call an empty parrot cage? Polygon.

Cakes are round but Pi are square.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

What’s the king of the pencil case?

The ruler.

What US state has the most math teachers?

Mathachussets.

Which tables do you not have to learn in math?

Dinner tables.

Q. What tool do you use in maths?

A. Multi-pliers.

Why did the math book get poor grades?

It never did it’s own work.

Why did the right triangle put the air conditioner on?

Because it was 90 degrees.

What’s black and white and has lots of problems?

A math test.

How do you make ‘one’ vanish?

Add a ‘g’ to the beginning and it’s gone!

Why was the obtuse angle so upset?

Because it was never right.

What did the math book say to the history book?

You know you can count on me.

What number can only go up?

Your age.

What did the square say to the old circle?

Been around long?

What is heavier, a pound of feathers or a pound of cotton?

Neither, they both weigh a pound.

Where do multiplication problems eat their meals?

At times tables.

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a Jack-o-lantern by its diameter?

Pumpkin Pi.

Why did the boy keep a ruler under his pillow?

To see how long he could sleep.

A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.