You Might Be A Redneck If - Funnipedia.com

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We don’t know if Jeff Foxworthy invented the whole You Might Be A Redneck If phenomenon, but he sure made it famous and popular. It’s hard to keep track of which redneck sayings Foxworthy created and which ones have been added to the list by others. To be honest… we don’t care! As long as we get to laugh at some redneck jokes.

A Huge List of “You Might Be A Redneck If”!

Is this the biggest list? Nope. We eliminated a lot of the crude ones to keep our humor clean and family-friendly. Anyway, you might be a redneck if…

Birds are attracted to your beard.
Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
Directions to your house include “Turn off the paved road.”
During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
Fewer than half of the cars on your lawn run.
Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
Going to the bathroom at night involves shoes and a flashlight.
Going to the laundromat means cleaning out the back of the truck.
Helping your cousin move into his new place involves taking the wheels off his doublewide
The fifth grade is referred to as “your senior year,”
In tough situations you ask yourself, “What would Curly do?”.
It’s Easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
Jack Daniels makes your list of “most admired people”.
More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.
On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
Redman Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas card.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.

And you might be a redneck if…

Someone in your family says “Come here and look at this before I flush it.”
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
The ASPCA raids your kitchen
The best way to keep things cold is to leave them in the shade.
The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid shirt you’ll wear to the 4-H Fair.
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
The diploma hanging in your den contains the words “Trucking Institute”.
The dog can’t watch you eat without gagging.
The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.
The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are “Howdy!” “Hey!” or “How Y’all Doin?”
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
The main course at potluck dinners is roadkill.
The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (your insurance man is one too if he pays you for it).
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
The primary color of your car is “Bondo”.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
The theme song at your high school prom was `Friends in Low Places’
The tobacco chewers in your family aren’t just men.

Still wondering what kind of person you are? Well… you might be a redneck if…

There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
There are more than five McDonald’s bags in your car.
There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
When a sign that says “Say No To Crack!” reminds you to pull up your jeans.
When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobbaco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can loose them or not.
You can’t get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.
You celebrate groundhog day because you believe in it!
Your mom calls you over to help because she has a flat tire… on her house.
You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
You bring your dog to work with you.
You burn your yard rather than mow it.
You buy your wife tube socks at the flea market.
You call your boss “Buddy”, on a regular basis.
You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

And here another bunch of ways to that you might be a redneck if…

You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
You clean your fingernails with a stick.
You come home from the garbage dump with more than you went with.
You consider “Outdoor Life” magazine deep reading.
You consider a family reunion a good place to pick up girls.
You consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.
You consider a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
You consider a three piece suit to be a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
You consider orange peels left on the coffee table as potpourri.
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
You dated your daddy’s current wife in high school.
You ever cut your grass and found a car.
You ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.
Your gene pool doesn’t have a “deep end”
You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
You go to a stock car race and don’t need a program.
You go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.
You grow flowers in an old toilet in your front yard.

Rednecks are the best kind of people. Friendly, honest, and not really concerned about other people think. Want to be one? You might be a redneck if…

You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
You have 5 cars that are immobile and house that is!
You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.
You have a garbage bag on the passenger side window of your car.
You have a hook in your shower to hang your hat on.
You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.
You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
You have ever barbequed Spam.
You have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass.
You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to “Georgia on My Mind”.
You have the local taxidermist’s number on speed dial.
You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
You have to go outside to get something out of the ‘fridge.
You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.

The list WORTHY of Jeff FoxWORTHY keeps going! You might be a redneck if…

You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.
You keep a spit cup on the ironing board.
You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.
You know you’re a redneck if you wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.
You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
You own a homemade fur coat.
You own at least 20 baseball hats.
You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
You own more than 3 shirts with cut off sleeves.
You participate in a “who can spit the farthest contest”.
You pick your teeth from a catalog.
You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
You replace a flat tire on your truck with a tire from your house.
You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.
You see no need to stop at a rest stop because you have an empty milk jug.

You might be a redneck if…

You take a fishing pole into Sea World.
You think “taking out the trash” means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup.
You think suspenders are a type of shirt.
You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You think the French Riviera is foreign car.
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are “Gentlemen, start your engines.” or “Play Ball…”
You think the Mountain Men in deliverance were just “misunderstood”.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
You throw a can out the truck window and your wife shoots it.
You use lava soap more than three times a day.
You use the term `over yonder’ more than once a month.
You wear cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.
You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.

Sometimes you can spot them by the way they look… sometimes by the things they do… or the things they own. You might be a redneck if…

Your hunting dog cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
Your belt buckle doubles as a serving platter.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.
Your child’s first words are “Attention K-Mart shoppers!”.
Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
Your family tree doesn’t have any branches.
Your family’s No. 1 enemy is revenuers.
Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.
Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six-pack.

You might be a redneck if…

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
Your kids take a siphon hose to “Show and Tell.”
Your kitchen doubles as a bait store.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Your mother has “ammo” on her Christmas list.
Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
Your other truck is made by John Deere.
Your parakeet knows the phrase “Open up, Police!”.
Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels and skirt.
Your school fight song was “Dueling Banjos”.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.
Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job–primer red and primer gray.
Your wife has ever said, “Come move this transmission so I can take a bath.”
Your wife’s best pair of shoes are steel-toed Red Wings.
Your wife’s hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your wife’s job requires her to wear an orange vest.
You’re moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing “I Will Always Love You”.

The really funny thing is, rednecks will love reading this list and having a laugh! So let’s wrap it up. You might be a redneck if…

You’ve been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
You’ve been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
You’ve ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
You’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
You’ve ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
You’ve ever bought a used cap.
You’ve ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister’s honor.
You’ve ever fed your date french fries in a Denny’s.
You’ve ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.
You’ve ever financed a tattoo.
You’ve ever given rat traps as gifts.
You’ve ever hit a deer with your car…deliberately.
You’ve ever made change in the offering plate.
You’ve ever picked up a woman in a convenience store.
You’ve ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
You’ve ever stolen toilet paper.
You’ve ever stood in line to have your picture taken with a freak of nature.
You’ve ever used a weedeater indoors.
You’ve ever worn a tube top to a wedding.